Game-A-Week

Game-A-Week Episode 28: Mass Effect 3

2:15 AM

I got this game as a gift nearly a decade ago but I thought it was time to pop it in and give it a go

2:15 AM

Yes, "pop it in" as in a disc.

2:16 AM

Which is actually why this game-a-week took a bit longer than usual.

2:17 AM

Which might sound weird. You just pop the disc in and install, right? Easy as pie, right? That's why we should still use discs today, right?

2:17 AM

Well, there was just one problem.

2:17 AM

This game was published by EA

2:17 AM

So I had to jump through a stupid amount of hurdles in order to install the game.

2:18 AM

Which all climaxed in me installing Origin and using the code on the back of the box to download it.

2:19 AM

So all the hypothetical convenience of having the game on disc just went out the window.

2:19 AM

Fuck EA

2:19 AM

Anyway, Mass Effect 3 is a third person shooter with RPG elements.

2:20 AM

A lot of people seem to think its the other way around but they're stupid and probably don't play a lot of games.

2:20 AM

Because they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

2:20 AM

Because this is not an RPG. They don't know what an RPG is and probably have never played a real one.

2:20 AM

Anyway, character customization sucks.

2:22 AM

Your selection of hair styles range anywhere from buzz-cut to bald and you're completely unable to make anything that doesn't look like a crackhead.

2:23 AM

In fact, I had to roll a female character just to make it look kind of like me. As in, I was able to get closer to my own appearance as a female character than I was a male. And I think that speaks for itself.

2:23 AM

And even then, the best I could do is a pixie-bob type hairstyle.

2:24 AM

Anyway, the game is pretty simple but enjoyable. You go on quests, shoot things and leveling up allows you to upgrade your special moves.

2:25 AM

This can be anything between using a special type of ammo to give your gunshots a special secondary effect or creating a blackhole to pulll your enemies closer together. The game introduces the concept of "biotics" in order to explain these abilities. Which is pretty much just a sci-fi version of magic. Its just as dumb as it sounds.

2:25 AM

You're able to bring two party members with you on missions who do a good job of taking literal bullets for you. Speaking of bullets, the game does a good job of putting ammo refills throughout each mission so you don't have to worry about running out of ammo. I usually play conservatively in games like this because it would really suck to run out of ammo in the middle of a difficult fight so its really nice that that isn't something I have to worry about. There's more than enough ammo to go around. I even have the luxury to miss a few shots or attempt to kill an NPC that's getting on my nerves.

Lord Dankerino08/04/2020

The story is pretty boring. I understand since its a military setting, its more realistic for every character to have no personality. But by god, is it a snooze fest.

2:43 AM

There are however, three characters that I actually like. EDI: your ship's AI that ends up inhabiting a sex-doll robot, Traynor: Your ship's engineer that is actually pretty funny and Garrus: An alien soldier you pick up while trying to recruit his people. He's a big tough guy with a big heart. I like him.

2:43 AM

All these characters have one thing in common that none of the other characters have: A sense of humor. Its really funny what a difference that makes in whether or not you're likable.

2:45 AM

EDI is especially hilarious because she's completely oblivious about the kind of android she's in and has a really nice dark sense of humor. There's once instance of her threatening to "remove all the oxygen on the ship for a few seconds". After a few moments of dead silence, she clarifies that it was a joke. It was actually pretty hilarious.

2:49 AM

Oh yeah, and this game is a textbook example of why going for a realistic graphics style is not a good idea. Because hoo boy, did this game not age well and not to mention all the animations look super wonky.

2:50 AM

I give Mass Effect 3 a 6/10. It's okay. I enjoyed it enough to want to play it to the end but its nothing special. Its just okay. If anything, its very unique and I think that's the best thing I can say about it. And I mean that in the best way possible. There aren't many "imaginative" games that come from western developers so I'll take what I can get. Even if calling this game imaginative is a bit of a stretch.