Game-A-Week

Game-A-Week Episode 27: Smite

11:36 PM

Smite is a MOBA.... with a twist.

11:36 PM

Instead of a top down perspective, it opts for a more traditional 3rd person camera, putting you right in the action.

11:38 PM

This makes the game a lot more engaging. Its a psychological fact that camera position affects your state of mind.

11:38 PM

And that's actually the game's main problem.

11:39 PM

While yes, it makes player to player combat more fun by putting you right in the action, it also gives you a case of tunnel vision.

11:40 PM

What I mean by that is, it puts you in a state of mind that more combat oriented instead of a strategic state of mind.

11:41 PM

Map awareness is completely out the window, all you want to do is walk forward and annihilate anything in your path.

11:42 PM

Middle lane not doing well? I don't care, MY lane is doing fine and I'm going to keep pushing it at all costs.

11:43 PM

And unless your character has a ranged normal attack, minion awareness is completely out the window.

11:44 PM

You're under the tower and you just lost your last melee minion. How many ranged minions do you have left? You don't know because they're all off screen.

11:44 PM

You have to turn around to find out how many you have left.

11:45 PM

So you turn around and look. You've got a decent amount but here's the catch: In the time it took you to turn around, you lost too many of those ranged minions. So now you have to pull out before the tower targets you anyway.

11:46 PM

Now you might be saying "Well this sounds like ranged characters are just automatically better than melee characters"

11:47 PM

And you're absolutely right.

11:48 PM

Not only are ranged characters better at because they have a larger field of view, instead of clicking on your opponent to auto attack them, you tap your mouse to use your normal attack.

11:49 PM

This basically turns your regular attack into a free skillshot if you're playing a ranged character, allowing you to poke endlessly making it nearly impossible for a melee character to find an opening on you.

11:50 PM

But wait, there's more!

11:50 PM

You can always walk backwards while you use your normal attack

11:50 PM

Which mean, yes, you guessed it!

11:50 PM

You can just kite your opponent.

11:51 PM

So let's just recap.

11:51 PM

Ranged characters have a cooldown free skillshot poke, better map awareness due to being able to attack at a distance and the ability to kite with absolutely no trade off.

11:53 PM

While ranged characters are technically at an advantage in every moba, in most cases, it just means you usually get one extra hit in and that's it.

11:54 PM

And on top of that, melee characters are usually pretty tanky so it balances out

11:54 PM

Yeah, not the case here.

11:55 PM

Most melee characters die before they can even get in range unless they have a gap closer skill.

11:55 PM

And most don't.

11:55 PM

So, this review ended up being pretty negative, huh?

11:56 PM

Strategy is harder and its super unbalanced.

11:57 PM

So let's talk about the positives, yeah?

11:57 PM

There are no positives.

11:57 PM

Nah, I'm only kidding.
Some playable characters actually have unique details such as Change'e who has a bunny companion who can run to the shop for you without needing to teleport back to base and you get a adorable little animated bunny in the corner of your screen that tells you what the status of your companion is (Whether he's on standby, en route to the shop or coming back to you). It's frankly very adorable.

11:57 PM

The combat is actually really fun.

11:58 PM

In fact, there's an "arena" game mode which just puts both teams in a roman coliseum like arena and just lets them duke it out without lanes.

11:59 PM

This is where the game actually shine because when you remove any aspect of strategy, the game becomes much less frustrating.

July 23, 2020

Lord Dankerino07/23/2020

And since everyone is in a giant mosh pit instead of a narrow hallway, melee characters are much more viable since ranged characters can't single you out and are much easier to overwhelm in this mode since you can just gang up on them.

12:02 AM

Its almost as if the devs knew their game sucked as a MOBA and shifted their focus to adapting it into an action brawler-type game.

12:02 AM

In fact, if you list game modes by "recommended" , Arena is first while the "Normal" game mode is third.

12:03 AM

Yeah, they know where their game's strength is. and that in a normal MOBA environment, it fails by its own design.

12:05 AM

But the problem is, that gets boring after a while. That's not why you wanted to play this game. You wanted to play a MOBA and while yes, Arena is more fun in the short term, it becomes repetitive in the long term. Ultimately, the "normal" MOBA mode is still more rewarding.

12:07 AM

And since we're back to the negatives, its time I dealt the killing blow.

12:10 AM

I've been saving these last two points for last because they were the deciding factor in whether of not the game passed or failed.

12:12 AM

My taste in women is considered very weird. I have a type. I'm really into tall and muscular women (That are still feminine, mind you. I'm not into dudes and I adore breasts)

12:13 AM

But on the more extreme side, its probably my worst kept secret that I am a macrophile.

12:13 AM

Its a common joke among my friends that I'm a connoisseur of giant waifus.

12:14 AM

And I am. I have a giantess fetish. It is my #1 kink. I know this is an incredibly weird topic to talk about in a game review but I promise this is going somewhere.

12:21 AM

Besides, its not like you're gonna kink-shame. Because that would be lame. I'm secure, I'm confident about what I like.

12:21 AM

In fact, here are some quick examples to clear the air. A whole pokemon team's worth.

Lord Dankerino07/23/2020

#1 - Mt. Lady - My Hero Academia

12:33 AM

#2 - Palutena - Kid Icarus

12:34 AM

#3 - Shirahoshi - One Piece

12:35 AM

#4 - Matrona - Seven Deadly Sins

12:36 AM

#5 - Captain Mizuki - One Punch Man

12:36 AM

#6 - Diane - Seven Deadly Sins

12:37 AM

Bonus - Cindy - Gigantic at 5'4" (Who is actually 50 feet tall despite the title. She was only 5'4" for like the first couple of chapters before magic shenanigans happened. Hilariously misleading title)

12:38 AM

Anyway, now that I've finally had the chance to push my political agenda, where was I?

12:38 AM

Oh yeah!

12:41 AM

So anyway, one of the game's playable character's is Skadi. The goddess of winter in Norse mythology and more importantly, a giantess.

12:41 AM

Here's a descfription of Skadi that a quick google search got me.

12:41 AM

"Skadi, Old Norse Skaoi, in Norse mythology, the giant wife of the sea god Njörd. In order to avenge the death of her father, the giant Thiazi, Skadi took up arms and went to attack the rival tribe of the gods (the Aesir) in Asgard, home of the gods. The Aesir, wanting to appease her anger, offered her the choice of one of their number for a husband, with the stipulation that she choose a god by his legs (or feet) alone. She chose Njörd, thinking that he was the fair god Balder; their marriage failed because Njörd preferred to live by the sea, and Skadi was happier in her father’s home in the mountains (Thrymheim). In some sources, Skadi was known as the goddess of snowshoes. Another tradition relates that Skadi later married the god Odin and bore him sons."

12:42 AM

During this google search, I also found out that like, every norse god bangs a giant women.

12:42 AM

I think medieval Norse men had a type.

12:44 AM

But in this game, Skadi is tiny.

12:45 AM

They took a literal giant woman from norse mythology and turned her into a slender, short woman.

12:45 AM

And its not even they scaled her down for gameplay reason, oh no.

12:47 AM

Skadi, the giant is dwarfed by King Arthur and Merlin. Who, you know, are HUMANS. I could accept the explanation that all the other characters are gods so Skadi looks small by comparison because everyone else is "god-sized". But, needless to say, THESE TWO AREN'T GODS.

12:48 AM

She's not even on the tall side, she's a short woman made to fit conventional beauty standards.

12:54 AM

Again, I'm aware that my tastes are considered weird. But I'm pretty sure turning a giant woman into a normal sized woman on the short side is a form of censorship.

12:54 AM

Everyone has different tastes and y'all are cowards for making Skadi the exact opposite of what she's supposed to be just to fit your beta male beauty standards.

12:55 AM

Moral of the story: Don't kink-shame me. I don't take kindly to it. The worst part is that her splash art is seen from a lower perspective looking up at her so it's a trap!(edited)

12:56 AM

So after that, the deciding factor of whether or not this game sank of swam was whether or not I could get an Avatar skin

12:57 AM

Yeah, you heard me right. They're actually doing an Avatar: The Last Airbender crossover event from SOME reason right now

12:57 AM

But here's how you get the skins

12:58 AM

You have to buy the battle pass. Which is a reward track that you grind through to unlock the things on the battle pass.

12:59 AM

The battle pass is $15.

12:59 AM

So basically, you have to pay real money and THEN grind out the skins before the event ends in order to get them.

1:00 AM

Yeah, fuck that. I ain't paying for something I could potentially not even get if I don't grind enough.

1:00 AM

That's stupid.

1:00 AM

You either get shit by paying for it or grinding it out. I AM NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PAYING FOR THE PRIVILEGE TO BE ABLE TO GRIND SOMETHING OUT.

1:01 AM

So yeah, the game kinkshamed me, is unbalanced & frustrating to play.... and I could not get an Avatar skin.

1:03 AM

Oh, and Jesus isn't playable. In a game about Gods fighting each other, I'm a little offended that Mulan, a Disney princess is in the game but not MY god.